I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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