she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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