based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
sex in a hospital.. check
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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