Redeem this text for a blowjob
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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