So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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