i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
ttyl tear gas
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
