Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
