i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
