it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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