Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
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