Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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