Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize