I wish I could teleport
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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