she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
