Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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