I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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