even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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