I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize