No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
we should paint friendship bongs
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