I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
