He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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