I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
