the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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