woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
