Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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