i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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