Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
