On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
