I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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