Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think I am morally bankrupt
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
