"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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