OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
