she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
