while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
