There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize