You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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