Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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