i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
