I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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