i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
