i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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