its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The air taste purple.
Randomize
