somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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