I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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