Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
