...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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