Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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