she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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