if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the day after is always just damage control
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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