I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
