she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
