Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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