I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
