And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just forgot I was standing up.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
