the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
