How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
