I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
