Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
