i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize