It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Never joke about your clitoris.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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