oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
