So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
